Death – straight up

Its been ’bout three weeks since i posted. Fact is there is too much conflict and turmoil goin’ on at home and on the job. At home this is “normal” but on the job its extreme in that my present employers operate in a strangely chaotic, unfocused, and unprofessional manner unlike anything i have seen in 37 years in the workforce. More on that later.

My survival strategy for my entire life ’til now been to seek employment in hard hat and steel toed boots environments. It has always seemed the natural place for me given the industrial epoch in which i was born and the personal proclivities i own. Again, more on that later.

This blog plus my website and other web presences i am in the process of creating and developing are my foray into the entrepreneurial age it appears we are entering now. I could use scarier words for this new age but for the moment i want to keep things upbeat.

Ergo … when i use words like suicide, vivisection, and death i’m tryin’ to convey the depth, seriousness, and urgency of the vision that drives me. My inward sense is one of maximum intensity – its as if i have a drive thats pushin’ me counter to the social survival structures, activities, patterns, and beliefs and their variations that make up the present state of the planet.

This drive is my impending death – whether its in the next moment or the next century – its the defining factor of life. Ya know the cliches “This might be yo last day on earth” or “What if you only had 24 hours to live?” but for me its not an intellectual exercise – its more like a constant awareness or lens through which i view life and the world. It definitely makes  everything more vivid and vibrant and makes me impatient with trivialities and unnecessary problems. Its pushin’ me to action.

vivisectin’ a human brain – psychologically

Talkin’ ’bout Krishnamurti and Bohm, they were my main research subjects, the whole of my experience on the net till a coupla months ago. They aint the subject of my blog – more like just the the pinnacle of my intellectual examination of human life on planet earth.

My examination is ongoing – but as far as tryin’ to hammer anything down with a theory or belief – they aint no nail can keep a holt to it.

I think, as far as my mission goes – changin’ the world, creating a good society, healin’ the environment… all that good stuff – its gonna require an amalgamation of many ideas, techniques and practices.

And here in my blog i gonna have to let yall know some of whats goin’ on in my life. ‘Cause i already know that the truth i advocate gonna affect directly my personal and public life. Its not that i havn’t been livin’ with the truth, its just that i felt it was too dangerous to express outwardly.

But now, for whatever historical or evolutionary reasons, the universe, or rather the very substance of the universe is demanding i take action, immediate, radical action. My conscience is giving me no choice.

So… while this may seem to be the conceit of a fifty year old white american crazy man, i hope, over time you will see this as addressing fundamental human issues.

Today i am playin’ hooky from my job in a heavy industry. We been workin’ mostly 6 and 7 twelve hour days a week for over two years. A man died a mysterious death on the job ’bout 6 weeks ago. Those two facts plus difficult family and financial issues goin’ on in my life have me functioning at some kind of physical and psychological limit. But thats ok ’cause its been the perfect laboratory in which to test my understanding of life.

an experiment in living – the suicide note of syndax vuzz

Greetings! At 1:22 am cst feb 6, 2011, i, syndax vuzz, post my first blog. I am new to this. This being the whole internet thing. I have been poking around the place for a couple of months now. I am very slow to start. Actually i have spent some time on the internet for the past few years researching my most important subjects (or rather their messages) – Krishnamurti and David Bohm. But as far as using the internet to connect with other people … i don’t know. I guess it reflects directly on my experience with the real world. At the moment i have very few real friends. And whether or not they use the internet or what for, they don’t talk about it. Even when i bring the subject up. The subject being my own experimentation with publishing.

So, at least partially, at first anyway, this gonna be like a confession. A declaration of who i am and what i intend to do. Or rather what i am doing. Its gonna be a living thing, in process, an evolving revelation, me exposing myself upfront, as i am, stupid, scared and alone. This gonna be a psychological vivisection, a suicide note.